Grrrrrr.
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Was that your stomach? Are we talking gut health today?
No. I'm practicing my Animal Flow.
I did wonder why you entered this café on all fours. But I thought it was entirely your own business.
That was good, hey? It's a move called "side-travelling ape".
It wouldn't be the first time I've met someone in a café who answers by that name.
But I must say, you looked rather elegant down there. What's it all about?
Animal Flow is the secret behind the strength and flexibility of celebs like Cameron Diaz and Mila Kunis.
It combines quadrupedal and ground-based moves with elements from bodyweight exercises, prompting your body to move the way it was designed to - crouching, crawling, squatting.
And it draws upon animal movements.
You've probably seen the video of Chris Hemsworth scuttling from side to side on the ground.
Animal Flow is the secret behind the strength and flexibility of celebs like Cameron Diaz and Mila Kunis.
I thought he was preparing for a role. He'd make a lovely Bambi.
No, he was being a goanna. And a platypus and a wombat. That's the sort of menagerie it takes to get a 12-pack like Thor's.
OK. How bonkers does it get? Will we be dancing like a monkey all our lives?
Nope. Animal Flow is rather graceful.
Done well, it looks like slowed down breakdancing crossed with yoga.
It's fluid enough for yogis, but tough enough for weights junkies.
And it does wonders for your strength, neuromuscular control and mobility because it's functional fitness - moves for everyday life.
- Check out how you can save with the latest deals on health and beauty using discount codes from Australian Coupons.
If everyday life involves scuttling across the room like a crab. So where's it at, this Animal Flow? Forest? Farm? Zoo?
Just the gym, where you should seek a session of ZUU, the Aussie version of Animal Flow designed by former soldier Nathan Helberg.
His workouts involve bear crawls, donkey kicks and frog squats and if you think that sounds like Play School, think again. It's hardcore.
When I tried walking on two legs the next day, the only move I could manage was beached jellyfish.
OK, time to get down on all fours and embrace my animal spirit. Let's stop at the dog bowl on the way out.
- Amy Cooper is a journalist who embraces wellness, but has also used kale to garnish a cocktail.